I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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