I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
