doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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