never play flip cup with pint glasses
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
