Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
