you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
