she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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