I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
