4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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