One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I understand Curling. That high.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
