Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize