dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
