Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize