I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
