But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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