i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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