I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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