Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
