I can't watch pbs sober anymore
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
