Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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