I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
