And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
