Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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