i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
