i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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