He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
