know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
