i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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