Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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