never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
