just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize