I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
smell my finger.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
