This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
