Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
