I seem to have left my pride at pride
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
