I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
