My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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