GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize