the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
