GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
