sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
