oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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