Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I deserve this hangover.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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