Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Let's paint friendship bongs
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You are a booty call, not a friend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
