Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
