Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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