My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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