Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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