We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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