One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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