it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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