You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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