dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
