so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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