Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize