is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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