3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
