Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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