I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need to stop coming to work sober
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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