After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
