Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
