she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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