No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
