I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
