Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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