so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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