and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
