Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
