But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
