Umm I'm too high to move.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
