Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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