my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
