the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
