Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize