I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think people are normalizing furries
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
