I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize