My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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