if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
