i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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