No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he fucked my hip out of place.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
