And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
