His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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