Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize