Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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