How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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