Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
