i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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