and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
