she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
