If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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