WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i came on her dog
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
