lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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