That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
