I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
