i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize