I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize