Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
