last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
