I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
