No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize