So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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