I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
