stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
