After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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