if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize